"Punkin Pie, Mama, Punkin Pie!"

Everett has been looking forward to Thanksgiving Day for a long time now. Why? Well, we were at Wal-mart a couple of weeks ago and he saw the "sample lady" giving out bites of pumpkin pie. Ever since then, he has been excited for Thanksgiving so he could have some pumpkin pie, turkey, and mashed potatoes and gravy.

We had an easy meal this year. The Graduate Student association puts on a big feast for only a few dollars per person (the kids were free). It isn't the same as a family dinner overflowing with relatives, but seeing as that wasn't an option for us this year anyway, we were just excited to be fed. Overall, I was very impressed. The decorations were great, the service was flawless, and there was a nice variety. We had the choice between turkey, ham, or salmon. The salmon wasn't great but I was happy it was even an option. The food ranged from fruit sushi to spinach salad to candied yams to sweet potato pie. We could have just about anything to drink, including choclate milk, "homemade" apple cider, or juice. The mashed potatoes tasted half fake and half real, and the gravy was pre-packaged, but it all hit the spot for me nonetheless. After years of having only 100% real mashed potatoes, I'm a little spoiled. Besides, there was some great crackly, crusty french bread, so I was in heaven.


The best part, though, was sharing the day with some friends. We finished by having a dessert/pie night with a bunch of friends, where we experienced just enough commotion from all the kids to make up for having a Thanksgiving sans relatives.

Though it doesn't look this way in this picture, the coldness and raininess of the day didn't kill any of Everett's excitement.

Ashley was excited too, even though she had no idea what was going on. I think she was just happy to get her shoes on and go somewhere.

Our feast. We shared a large round table with friends and had fun stuffing ourselves to the gills. Everett was a complete clown anytime someone tried to take a picture. He had his soda pop, so he was happy and a little wired.

Does anyone else hate pregnant pictures of themselves?

Yes. Clowning around just for the picture. What a crack-up!

Everett made an amazing discovery en route to getting his pumpkin pie: Rice Krispy Treats!

If a messy face is the sign of a good meal, then Ashley had the best meal of her month right here.

Another discovery: Ice cream! It was served from huge containers just like at the ice cream store. My kids got plenty of sugar, that's for sure. However, they were able to basically remain at the table for a good hour and a half. THAT was a blessing. Forget about all this food and shelter stuff; that is what I was thankful for this year.

Ashley was a fan of the ice cream, too. In fact, she was a fan of everything. Anytime we would come back with more food (which happened frequently because we never all went at the same time), she'd squeal and yell and bubble over with excitment. Apparently she was sure we were bringing in new food just for her sampling pleasure.

It was a great, satisfying day. I was impressed with the feast we had. I was impressed with the pies we ate later that night. I was grateful for our friends and our families, who are always supportive and loving.

Joel's favorite part of the day: playing pinnochle with friends and having two, almost three of the best hands of his life, and not ever making his bid (well, he made it occasionally, but not any of those times and only at about a 15% rate of success). This must be why he didn't sleep very well last night. . .

Baby Status

For those of you who may have missed it, yes, I am pregnant. I'm 22 weeks along and due March 21st. We should be finding out sometime during the next couple of weeks what we're having.


I know my belly is getting bigger because Everett comments on the baby regularly. He loves to come up to me and inform me on the baby's status ("the baby is happy!" "the baby is laughing!" "the baby is crying!"). He pats my belly. He tries to give things to the baby. He likes to inform our guests that there is a baby inside my belly. The other night, he covered me with stickers so the baby could have them.

The baby kicks well enough now that Joel can feel it from the outside, but I'm waiting a few more weeks to show Everett until he will really be able to feel the kicks. I think he will enjoy that part of the pregnancy.

As far as enjoying the baby, well, he will somewhat, I'm sure. I am also sure that he will get a little tired of the crying, but I will try to involve him in caring for the baby so he doesn't feel left out. Ashley is another story. She does not like it when I hold other babies, but I think she'll adjust pretty quickly. We'll have to play it a little by ear at the beginning.

Praying

Everett is getting good enough at repeating things now that we have started to help him say prayers. He is still pretty reluctant to do it, I think because it is so hard for him, but tonight he got through an entire prayer with Joel. We had a family home evening lesson on prayers, and we discussed the basic prayer format. When explained the part of the prayer where we ask for things we need, Everett's eyes got big as he considered the many possibilities.

After a slight pause, he only had one request. "A choo-choo train!" he exclaimed. I explained that if he was scared, he could pray and ask Heavenly Father to help him not feel scared anymore. After reassuring him that this would indeed work, I noticed that Everett seemed to like his idea much better than mine. Oh well. That is my job, right? To squelch his dreams and ambitions?

When it came time to actually say the prayer, Everett and Ashley excitedly got down on their knees and folded their arms. Ashley loves to come over and kneel down, and usually sits still through the entire prayer, but we operate under a pray-in-20-seconds-or-less policy around here to make it easier. Everett has gotten good at keeping his arms folded and his eyes closed, because if he doesn't, Joel calls him out on it during the prayer.

"Please bless that Everett will keep his arms folded and his eyes closed," Joel says. Everett immediately snaps back into position every time. I told Joel one time that he would have to stop doing this when the kids get older, because it will take too long. He just pointed out that the kids would learn pretty quickly that if they weren't reverent during the prayer, it would last For-e-ver.

After our mini-lesson on the pattern of prayer, we asked Everett to say a prayer with Joel. He was reluctant and not very interested, but then I told Everett that if he prayed with Joel, he could have some chocolate chips.

Yes, that's right, I'm not above bribery. Worked like a charm. Everett said (repeated) his first prayer. When Joel prompted him to give thanks for me (Mama), Everett added Ashley without hesitation. Poor Joel got left out, but maybe he'll make it in there next time.

In all, a successful Family Home Evening, which pretty much means we've hit the jackpot. Our lessons are not always well-received, but I have expanded my definition of "success" to be a little more realistic. Or just to make myself feel better, which ever it is!

Birthday Boy--Three Years Old!

I think Everett had a good birthday today. He woke up and opened a few presents, then later he got to open more from my family. In the afternoon he asked us if he could open some more presents, but was okay with the fact that we didn't have more for him.

Here's my little guy in the hospital, only a few hours after he was born. It is fun to see him grow up.

This is when he went straight blond, from the time he was a few months old to over a year. Now his hair is a little darker, but still much lighter than he was born.

With that, let's move on to Everett's thrill for the day: Presents!

Everett got a play oven from us. Joel and I built it, slaved over it, and made many, many mistakes. It is very imperfect and the paint job is not good, but Everett doesn't care. I think it looks boy-ish enough for him. The best part is that there is a system of hinges allowing it to fold completely flat, enough to fit under Everett's little bed. This was a must for me when I was designing it, because we simply don't have the space for something like this to be up all the time! I also wanted it big enough that both kids can use it at the same time. So far, so good, but we're only on day one. I'm preparing myself for lots of bickering.

This was a good day for Ashley too, as she loved everything Everett got. She is thrilled with the oven and all the food, but she especially loved Everett's gift from my family:

A tee-ball, ball-pitching system. It is loads of fun and the balls are a durable foam, which is fantastic. It means I don't have to worry about them using this indoors. It will pitch straight up or out, and Everett can also use it as a tee. I'm not sure what he likes best, hitting the ball or waiting for it to hit him so he can try to catch it!

They both loved having Joel help them hit the balls. Everett knows how to work all the buttons, so they just load it up for each other and the fun never stops!

Everett's request for his birthday was that he could have a blue robot cake. He has loved robots ever since we saw Monsters Vs. Aliens together, so I knew he would have fun putting the candy on and making it into a crazy robot.

It's definitely homemade looking, but the best part for Everett was that he got to decorate it himself. Well, that was the second-best part. His favorite thing about the cake was that the frosting turned his tongue blue.

Happy Birthday, Everett! It was fun to have a child old enough to anticipate and enjoy his big day.

Speech Therapy at Home: More Than You Ever Needed to Know

Several people have asked me what I do with Everett to improve his articulation. It's true; he has made a huge amount of progress in a short amount of time, but I really think it has everything to do with him maturing and very little to do with my help.

That being said, I am not deterred from doing what I can to help him practice better skills. I think he enjoys these things because I try to structure everything like a game or an activity. I know there are a few speech pathologists/audiologists who read this blog, so if any of you notice that I'm doing something wrong, please let me know! I am new at this and we're just figuring things out as we go.

1. If Everett asks me something unintelligibly but I still know what he wants, I repeat what he said and ask him to say it again, sometimes more slowly. Sometimes I have to break it up into individual words or syllables, and after he hits each one I'll have him string them all back together. No, this doesn't work all of the time--it is highly dependent on his mood and cooperation level. I just try to have the rule that he must use words to ask for what he wants.

2. Everett mixes up a lot of his starting consonant sounds with later consonant sounds in the words he says. I have found that if I say "T-t-t-t-t-toothpaste" (repeating the first sound and then using it in the word) then he will imitate the first sound correctly and generally get it into the word the right way.

3. I have mentioned this before, but we use drinking straws a lot for eating. This was suggested by the speech therapist as a jaw-strengthener. We use it for applesauce, yogurt, or most of the time when he drinks. I went out and got cups with lids and sturdy plastic straws, and I have fallen in love with them. I don't have to worry about spilling, and it makes it easy for Everett to have a healthy snack. I try to give him either yogurt or applesauce in it every day, as well as a few drinks.

4. We have started playing lots of "tongue games". Everett's evaluation for preschool indicated that he has a hard time differentiating between his jaw movement and his tongue movement. He cannot move his tongue from one corner of his lips to the other, so I decided to start "exercising" with him. All he knows is that we play silly movement games with our tongue--he especially likes the ones where we pretend to be animals (a snake flicking its tongue out, etc.). I hope this will make a difference, but I don't know if it will. Ashley enjoys these games, too.

5. We have been working on letters. Every time Everett recognizes a letter, I ask him what sound it makes (he gets this wrong 80% of the time, but I'm not concerned about that), and then we practice words that start with that sound. I don't care that he memorizes any of this; all that matters to me is that it gets us practicing lots of sounds every day.

6. I discovered that Everett likes repeating me. I also discovered that if I say things in a sing-song voice, Everett jumps in and says it right back to me. So, as we go about our day, I'll "narrate" what we're doing in sing-song phrases, and he says them back.

7. We practice a lot of sound effects. Everett is particularly thrilled with roaring, but we try to make sound effects with alternating vowel sounds or consonant sounds (wee-ooh, wee-ooh for a fire truck, etc.). We made masking tape train tracks on the floor a few days ago, and it was great for this kind of activity. He would go across the tracks and yell out a particular sound effect. Ashley loved this game, too.

8. The other thing I do is use Ashley as a motivation for Everett. If I tell him to ask her something or show her how to say or do something, he is more likely to do it than if he just does it for himself. It must be that older sibling stuff coming out in him.

9. When we are playing together, I say the action words in repetition. (ie, "dip, dip, dip" "blow, blow, blow") I rarely ask him to say it back, but he always does. This is actually perfect for Ashley's age right now. She can understand everything I say, but she doesn't say anything herself. I think by saying things like "goat in" in a descending tone when we put a goat piece in the puzzle, it helps her to connect the words with the action. I might be completely missing the mark on this one. Maybe I'd better go back and get a degree in all this!

10. We play a lot of "blowing" games. We rarely blow bubbles, but we blow scraps of paper off our hands, or feathers, or fabric, or anything we can think of that might float away. Everett loves doing this.

11. Finally, when Everett is engaging in free play and creating little fantasies, I have him narrate what he is doing by asking questions. (Is the monster scary or nice? What do the dogs want to do now? What made the dinosaur sad?) I also ask him to report what happened during the day. For instance, when we pick up Joel I have Everett tell him what he did today. Or, I'll ask him about events that happened throughout the day. It is a good way for Everett to be able to think about how to say what he is thinking and to be able to learn to put his memories into words. Plus, let's be honest here, I just like hearing what he makes of everything.


I am sure I'm making a lot of mistakes and leaving things out that we should be doing. For instance, I know we need to be better at talking in front of a mirror. We need to sing more songs with actions. I need to be more patient with him.

But the learning process is what makes all of this fun; I have found that I stay more interested in what I'm doing if I am learning along the way. I'm hoping that I can get Everett up to age level by kindergarten so he doesn't have to focus on talking. I'm hoping that Ashley won't have speech problems, but if she does, we're better prepared this time around. The next kid will probably need me to learn something completely different, but I think that is one of the best things about being a mother.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Am I doing anything wrong (you won't hurt my feelings, I promise)? I am still trying to figure things out.

First Day of Preschool, Ad Nauseum

Today was a big day for our family--it was Everett's very first day of school! I have been a little nervous about sending him to school, because heavens, he isn't even three yet, but I think it will be a very good thing for him. The class has fewer than ten kids and the "teacher" is actually a speech pathologist. She runs the class like preschool, with circle time, crafts, etc. but structures it like a speech therapy session, keeping each child's speech goals in mind. This may even be more helpful to him than the one-on-one speech therapy he has been receiving but has aged out of.

I wondered how Everett would feel, going into a strange situation with people he has never met before. I have been preparing him for this day for weeks: I've explained that I will drop him off but not stay, that he will have a very nice teacher and get to play with some fun kids. He knows they will make things with glue and paper and get to play lots of games. The best thing to prepare him, however, was the evaluation he had a couple of weeks ago at a different school. He saw the kids in their classrooms and the toys in a preschool classroom they had there, and the whole scenario must have seemed magical to him. He has been talking about going back to school ever since.

Coincidentally, Joel came home today before we left, so we snapped a few (too many) photos.

Ashley had to get in the picture too. It has to be tough being the younger child and seeing your older siblings doing all these fun things. Fortunately she is too young to really feel that now.

Everett doesn't look at all excited, does he?

Everett wanted to say "school!" instead of "cheese" for the pictures. I'm still trying to figure out how this translated into these partictular poses, but I guess that's what happens when you cross a preschooler's excitement with too many pictures.

Nope. Still not excited.

When we got to school, I realized that I had done my preparing-Everett work well. Everett got out of the car and immediately said, "Bye, Mama!" and started to walk in by himself. He was disappointed that he had to wait for me to come walk him in. We went a few steps and then it occurred to him that I promised he could ride the bus to school (he can, but that starts Thursday). He parked his little self right by the curb in front of the main entrance and informed me that he was waiting for the bus.

The office was not prepared for us. They had no idea where to send us or how to reach the teacher. After being mis-directed once, we finally found the classroom. . .which was completely devoid of students and teachers. Finally a different teacher poked her head in and informed us that the class was having "gym" time. We got directions and found our way to a regular classroom filled with ramps, bridges, balance beams, and trampolines. It looked fantastic, and I'm sure it is helpful since a lot of the speech students are hypotonic (poor muscle tone). The teacher grabbed Everett right away and took him through the obstacle course. He was hooked.

Ashley and I said good-bye and left to run errands.

When it was time to get Everett again, Ashley was thrilled.

She began looking for him as soon as we pulled up to the school.

When we went to get him, the teacher stopped me to ask if he had ever been in school before. I told her he hadn't, and she looked surprised. She said that he had followed directions extremely well and was a natural.

After stopping by the curb to wait for the bus again ("No, Mama! Wait foh bus!"), Everett finally came to the car. Thursday will be a big day for him with that cute little bus finally coming to get him.

I think Everett had fun, because when I asked him what he did, out came a flurry of phrases. He talked too fast, but I understood most of it. Here he is explaining it all to me.

And, as a reminder that Everett has not grown up much yet, he completely tanked on the way home. When I woke him up and got him out of the car, he crawled right back in to go to sleep again, and had a gazillion tantrums on his way to take a nap (I would too if someone had woken me up like that). Poor guy. We're going to have to figure out these preschool days by trial and error!

Grief-Challenged

I have made a discovery about myself over the past few weeks. I am stuck when it comes to people I know who are grieving. I feel deeply for them (as much as I could having not gone through their situation myself), but then when it comes to talking to them about their grief, I feel like I'm in quicksand.

We have a lovely family of Peruvians next door to us. The day we moved in, Victor (the dad) came out and helped us get some things into the house, including our tricky couch that almost didn't make it through the doorway. He and Joel sweated like men, but it didn't erase Victor's wide grin and happy eyes. We spent our first nights here on air mattresses Victor brought over voluntarily, and we took our first trip to the grocery store thanks to a map on which Victor had painstakingly marked the nearest shopping centers.

His wife, Maybe, is sweet and gentle and also very friendly. She came over without hesitation the night Everett split his head open to doctor his wounds. She spent years of her life bringing her nursing skills to remote Peruvian Villages. She and Victor have two beautiful daughters who are kind and well-behaved. They are a remarkable family--they built a beautiful, spacious house on the shores of lake Titikaka completely by themselves--and we have loved living near them, so we were overjoyed to hear that they were expecting their third child.

A couple of weeks ago, we received word that the baby had died. Maybe was only five and a half months along, and she had been visiting Peru to care for her sick mother at the time. My heart broke for her--it is a difficult thing to lose a baby that late in the pregnancy. The friend across the hall who told us the news was asked by Victor to spread the word so no one felt bad when asking about the pregnancy. She suggested that we give him our support when we see him and also said a list for dinner sign-ups would be going around as soon as Maybe returned.

I have seen our next-door neighbors several times since then, and each time, I knew I should say something but I couldn't find the words. I couldn't find a way to work it into the happy conversation. I couldn't think of a way to bring up what happened. I knew I should open my mouth, that anything was better than nothing, but my brain disconnected and nothing worked right. Platitudes are cliche and un-helpful, but sometimes they are better than not even acknowledging that something happened. It is easier for me when I am talking to friends rather than acquaintances, but I find it hard to know what to say even to members of my own family. This could be remedied by the fact that hugs can convey more meaning than words, but I find hugs more difficult to give than words.

If you have ever been going through a difficult time and I haven't acknowledged your hardship, I apologize. I am still figuring out how to get my brain and mouth to coordinate. There is some mechanism between the two that ceases to work the moment I know I should express something appropriate. It is a problem, and I am working on it. I hope I haven't neglected anyone's feelings and I hope I will be better in the future!

Are there any of you out there who are good at responding to grief? What do you do? I'm not so concerned with saying "the right thing" as I am with saying something. How do you get your words out? Have you never had much trouble or do you just have a good way of getting your mouth to function?