Hallmark Has It All Wrong

When Joel and I had been married for a year, he was smart enough to know he should do something for our anniversary. He knew I liked flowers. He even knew what those flowers were. So he made a call, loosened his student wallet, and ordered me a beautiful bouquet of red roses and lilies, complete with vase and baby's breath.

When it arrived I found that I was surprised by Joel's indulgence. I loaded him up with thanks, but I noticed he didn't seem too satisfied with his purchase.

"What? Is there some sort of issue?"

"No!" He replied. "Do you like them?"

"Of course!" I thought for a minute. "Wait, how much did these cost?"

"It doesn't matter." Joel shuffled his feet a little and then looked away.

"Well, I'm just curious. Tell me. How much were the flowers?" After a little waffling on Joel's part and some bambi eyes on mine, he confessed the amount (more than 60 dollars, less than 80). It was extravagant; that was a week's worth of groceries.

I started laughing. The more I laughed, the more uncomfortable Joel became.

"What did you do that for?!!" I laughed. "Don't you know I'm happy with a grocery store bouquet? Ten bucks." I laughed some more. "I mean, these flowers are gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous. Grocery store flowers don't look this good, and this came with a very nice vase. I just mean that I don't need you to spend that kind of money on me."

"Well, I didn't mean to. I was on the phone and told her what I wanted, and it took forever, and then she told me the price, and I just didn't know what to say. So I paid." Joel's sheepish discomfort was growing and I decided we'd better change the conversation.

"Honey, they're perfect. I love them. Thank you for being so thoughtful and being willing to get them for me." A long kiss made him feel a little better, I thought.

But I'm not so sure it did. I think that early purchase ruined the entire experience for him--Joel has never gotten me flowers again.

However, I am not bothered by this. Joel does things for me now that mean so much more to me than someone else's floral creation.

We have a netflix account, and we use the instant play feature more often than we use the TV. A few days ago Joel insisted on watching "Wives and Daughters" with me, just because he thought I'd like it. If you are not familiar with this movie, it comes in four parts and is very much a movie filled with parlor conversations and not much else. It the kind of movie I really enjoy, and it is the kind of movie Joel fidgets relentlessly through; but we watched every last second of it together, all at Joel's request.

When the five hours were over, Joel stretched and said, "Well, what did you think? I told you you'd like it."

(What he did not say was this: "Wow, well that was a colossal waste of time. Where's my remote? I'm feeling like a little Sports Center right now.")

Then there are the times Joel gets up with the kids so I can sleep for a half an hour more. The days he leaves his laptop home because he knows I like to use it during the day. The fact that he would rather spend his evenings home with me than out socializing with friends. That he never, ever grumbles when I mention a girls' night or a Relief society meeting I need to attend. Even the fact that he has no problem with me controlling the budget.

He frequently tells me he loves me, that he is in love with me, and that he appreciates me.

Hallmark, you're sadly mistaken. Love isn't bought; it is lived. Just ask Joel. (But don't be surprised if he turns bright red and denies everything.)