Everett Angst

Everett has anger management issues. The usual toddler frustrations seem to feel insurmountable to this little guy. Many of you may have or know children who, when confronted with a situation in which they need to figure out a solution (eg. fitting a block into a hole), will sit with a furrowed brow and quietly try to determine how to be successful with that particular issue. This may last a few seconds or a minute or two, but many of these children give a good attempt.

A "good attempt" for Everett is trying one or two times, then throwing said item and yelling his lungs into oblivion. He just does not have the capacity to handle the frustration. What does this mean for me as his mother? It means that I am in a constant puzzle as to whether to make him try to figure it out despite all of his frustrational yelling (I don't), or to calmly help him myself, thus feeling guilty that I may be ridding him of the opportunity to figure the issue out entirely by himself (I do).

I have determined that Everett is a hot-cold child. Nothing is ever in the middle. If I am cutting up his dinner and ask him to get his bowl, he will immediately (excitedly) hurry and bring it to me, and if I am not finished by the time he has arrived, his yells echo off the tile floor like rubber bouncy balls. His world will be ending for those few seconds I am busy (I am trying to teach him the meaning of "wait" or "one minute", but all he understands is that it means he can't have whatever it is right now). Then, the exact milisecond I am finished, his yelling evaporates into who-knows-where and he acts as if the whole thing never happend, usually with an exuberant smile spreading across his face.

In a similar manner, it is very rewarding for me to say "yes" to whatever it is he is asking for, because he gets so wildly excited that he laughs and runs to wherever the item is. He is also enthusiastically affectionate, and loves to give kisses, hugs, and cuddles.

Take these experiences and times them by one hundred, and that is roughly the amount of these kinds of outbursts (good and bad) we experience all day.

I sincerely hope I am not sounding as though I am complaining (I'm not). I am simply letting you all know just in case anyone has any brilliant ideas of how to teach a toddler to manage his anger. At his age this month, Everett is (naturally) entirely ruled by the emotions of the moment, and I can not imagine that he currently has the capacity to understand either why controlling his anger is important or how to do it. I just do not think he has this ability.

What this does make me think is that he will always struggle with anger. I may be wrong, but I am very sure that I will need to work heavily with him on how to manage frustration and anger in a more positive way as he gets older. Fortunately it will start with simple things. I am hoping that I will be able to help him find outlets that work for him and teach him ways of coping that suit his personality. Fortunately I have a couple of years to think about it because right now my idea well is bone-dry.

On another note, Everett is doing well with his cognitive skills. While his verbal skills may be lacking, I have realized over the past few days that he understands pretty much everything I say to him. He knows how to get out and put everything away, including:

• shoes (his and everyone else's)
• clothes
• bowls
• toys
• his bubble bath
• napkins to wipe up messes

He also likes to point out the picture of Jesus above his bed and say His name (it sounds like when he says "this", but he is really saying "Jesus"). He is making very good progress with words, but I have noticed he has trouble with "p" sounds and "b" sounds (when he tries they end up being "m"s).

I'm sure he'll get the hang of it soon.

Thanks for listening! Sometimes this blog is nice because it helps me sort out my thoughts.