How to eat a Pea

Little William is sick today, which makes my heart hurt. I took a bunch of pictures of him eating yesterday and I thought I would post them today because it makes me feel good to see him happy.

Here is your lesson on how to eat a pea. Feel free to disregard the instructions if you are not seven months old. Otherwise, this might be a very useful tutorial. (Although if you are seven months old and reading this on your own, I am guessing you already have eating under your belt.)

How to Eat a Pea

by William Warren Johnson

1. Be excited! Excitement is key to enjoying your dinner.

2. Isolate one pea from the rest of the herd.

3. Place it steadily in your hand.

4. Watch it roll around your palms for a little while.

5. Put that rolly pea in your mouth before you lose it for good.

6. Don't look like you are enjoying this--that is a surefire way to be given more vegetables.

7. Wave your arms around. Waving helps you chew (after all, you only have two teeth).

8. You may smile now as long as you have already given a good scowl. Go ahead. Smiling makes the peas taste better.

9. Try to swallow.

10. Wave your arms some more (see step 7).

11. Give it one final mash with your tongue, then swallow.

12. That was actually pretty good!

13. It's okay--rub your eyes. You're probably a little tired by now. It takes a long time to eat one pea, let alone a handful. If you're anything like me, it takes a lot of practice to fine-tune those motor skills. It's not like I'm easily distracted.

14. Wow! A window to outside!

Wait. What was I saying?