Best Pals

Everett and I have always had a close relationship, but lately it seems our relationship has reached a new level.

He doesn't need me for all the little things anymore the way Ashley still does, but he still wants me. If he finds something new, who does he want to show? Me. If he is excited about something, who does he want to tell? Me. If he is being shy, whose leg does he bury his face in? Mine.

On Sunday he had a bit of trouble going into Nursery. It is still new for him--new people, a new room, and new toys--and he is still used to me being able to go in with him. He asked to go potty a few times, and Joel tried to take him in, but ultimately he decided on me. When I took him in my arms for a snuggle, he laid his head on my shoulder and put his arms sweetly around my neck. I explained that his friend Tyson was ready to play with him, and that they were going to have a yummy snack and sing some fun songs.

He tapped his chest with the palm of his hand while he said, "Maaaahhhhm" which meant that he wanted me to come with him. When I said I couldn't, he asked for Ashley. When I told him we could not come with him, I saw his lip begin to quiver and his eyes begin to get teary.

But he stood a little straighter and bravely agreed to go in by himself.

When we went into the classroom, though, all the new sights and sounds quickly overwhelmed him and he turned toward the door.

"Everett," I said gently to his retreating back, "It is time to come play with these kids."

He turned toward me, the look on his face plainly displaying his discomfort and his wide, blue eyes broadcasting his fear.

"Ohmmm," he said, pointing pleadingly to the door.

Everett's sweet, sad, little request to go home made my heart throb. I knew he wasn't comfortable. I knew he was scared. I knew he wanted me to stay with him. But I also knew that it is important for him in the long run to learn how to handle new situations without me.

So I gave him a final hug and kiss and told him I'll be back after he has his snack. As I opened the door, I heard his wails start and saw a kind nursery worker try to comfort him, not knowing that if she isn't delicate in the right way I can't even explain, he will feel much worse.

It is hard for me to see him so sad when I leave him in Nursery, because I know he can't communicate his needs very well to those strange adults he is uncomfortable with anyway. I know how overwhelming new situations are for him. I know he feels much better when I am near him.

But the reason this is difficult for me is that he will be three years old in a few months--only a few months. It is harder for me to see him sad the older he gets, because I know with each passing month his discomfort and fear grow more acute, quickly outgrowing his ability to understand these feelings. Someday he will be old enough to know how to comfortably handle unfamiliar situations, and soon he will even feel okay about going into Nursery by himself. But right now he is stuck in that awkward stage between baby and boy, not able to quite understand why he feels the way he does, and not able to really have an accurate grasp of the passage of time.

I am his stability, and as he gets older my feelings for him grow more tender. Someday soon he will not need me the way he does now, and someday he may not even want me. But until then, I am Mama, and our worlds are not complete without each other.