The Johnsons

(Image courtesy of howstuffworks.com)

Dear Nasty Cold Virus,

I am a mother of a 20 month old little boy and a three week old newborn girl. I have noticed that you have recently taken up residence in my son's respiratory tract and nasal passages, and I wanted to inform you of a few particulars concerning the effects of your stay.

Firstly, though my son is happy and active even when sick and so you haven't fully incapacitated him, he has been spewing your germy friends all over my house with his runny nose and coughing. Though I have put in a fighting effort to keep them from surviving on various surfaces in my home, I admit that I am failing miserably. This may be due to the fact that I have been seriously lacking in solid sleep hours over the past few weeks.

This brings me to another point. My newborn girl, whom I mentioned in the first paragraph, has been too little to go many places where she may contract a virus similar to you. So, I have been avoiding taking her places in the hopes that the doctor's verdict of "perfectly healthy" may carry over until she is a few months old, at least.

However, your recent attack on my son's immune system now has her suffering as well. Do you know how difficult it is to keep toddler germs from spreading to a newborn? Now I not only have one spewing, coughing, snotty child, I have a spewing, coughing, screaming, unhappy newborn baby as well.

I write this letter to inform you of our difficulties with your current stay so in the future you might have the presence of mind to stay far away and infect someone else (preferably one who's immune system is reasonably robust). Anywhere is ok, as long as you come nowhere near my little newborn. I hate to turn to threats, but next time (if there is a next time) we may have to pay your enemy, The Doctor, a visit to further encourage your removal from our household.

I know that you have parented many little cold germs yourself; therefore I trust that I have your understanding and sympathy.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Regards,

A Concerned Mother