Another Difference Between (most) Boys and Girls

Joel and I had a lot of time to talk yesterday as we were finishing our drive to South Bend. Somehow, we got onto the subject of how growing up we had lists of qualities we desired in our future spouse.

All of you who went to Young Women's (or were a normal teenage girl)--do you remember doing this? I do, many times. Our lists were always very long and always included things like "he has to be romantic" or "he has to do nice things for me", in addition to all the regular qualities we might have listed. Had we focused more on improving our own qualities, we might not have wasted so much time drawing up lists of "the perfect" man.

I asked Joel what he might have put on a list growing up, and he told me that he had, in fact, made a list, but that he could only remember four out of the five things.

"Five? You only had five?" I asked.

"Sure. Why not? What more would you want?" He said.

These were the ones he remembered, ranked from most to least important:

1) She cooks
2) She doesn't have hairy arms
3) She is shorter than him
4) She is somewhat athletically inclined (notice he only said "somewhat"--maybe this means he never wanted to be beat?)

I laughed. I laughed quite hard.

"Hairy arms?" I said. "Who says that? When did you make this list, when you were twelve?"

Joel chuckled, admitting proudly, "Nope. I actually made that list on my mission."

"Well, what about cooking? That's number one? Out of everything?"

"I don't want to cook" he shrugged.

I rolled my eyes, and wondered if there was a job I could get him to do in exchange, since apparently I am doing his least favorite. But something else was killing me. I had to ask, "What about all those other things? Temple marriage? Good-looking? Female?"

"Those are givens," he clarified smugly. "They didn't even need to be on the list."

And that ended our conversation, leaving me to wonder whether he wasn't very picky about the qualities he wanted in a wife, or if he didn't feel that he needed to qualify all of that before he met me. I think it is the latter, which makes me glad because had he been more specific, I might have been disqualified away.

Later that night, we were looking at something sweet a child had written about cooking. The accuracy was off by quite a bit, but it was charming and fun. Or so I thought.

"Look!" I exclaimed. "Isn't that cute?"

"No." Joel said, in a single, punctuated syllable.

After my guffawing, I realized that he was so upfront about it more because he wasn't trying to be diplomatic, and less because he really didn't think it was cute. But I teased him for it anyway.

This conversation made me remember a similar conversation we had had earlier in the car, when I asked Joel what he thought the biggest difference between the two of us was. (Hey, we had a lot of time, and I didn't feel bad about subjecting him to any and all questions I had. Try it sometime. It's quite fun, and if you're in a car together, there's no escape.)

"I say what I mean, and you only think it." He said concisely.

And there, I think, he perfectly described one of the biggest differences between us. After a little laughing, all I had to add was a few words of agreement.

And all I have to add now is my gladness that he is different than me, and especially that we balance one another out so evenly. That is, until the next time I feel the need to have a little fun at his expense. . .