I know I've been over (and over, and over, and over. . .) this recently, but sometimes I am tired of looking so young. AND, sometimes when I am tired of people commenting about it and feeling like they have to let me know what a "big responsibility" motherhood is, I wish I had the perfect zinger. Not something insulting, just a little way of saying, "mind your own business."
One of my very favorite movies is You've Got Mail. I could watch this movie every day. I love the part where Kathleen is talking to Joe about how she can never come up with the perfect comeback. This is how I feel in the kinds of situations I find myself in every day. Usually I don't mind as much because I know that I am a young mom and that I look even younger, and that I am living somewhere where I am a bit of an anomaly. But the other day after I had had a very long day of running errands, getting employees to fix their mistakes on my orders, and dealing with a couple of tired, cranky kids, I was beginning to be very cranky myself.
Cashier at Michaels: You look SOOO young
Me: (groaning inwardly) *laugh* yes, I know
Cashier: What is your age?
Me: (noting that she has an accent and pretending I don't understand) Yes, I am very young.
Cashier: No, how old are you?
Me: I'm 22
Cashier: (motioning to Everett) Oh. And how old is HE?
Me: (sighing inwardly, but smiling) He's just barely two.
Cashier, who raises her eyebrows and says pointedly: (meaningful pause) You know, that is a LOT of responsiblity.
So, what do I say? What would you say if you were particularly grumpy that day and tired of people questioning your life's choices (I am not a perfect mom and I am learning as I go, but I like to think this is at least a little the case no matter how old a person is)? Even now, days later, I can't come up with anything. Usually I just say something like, "Yes, I know. Isn't it wonderful?"
I know I've talked about this ad nauseum, but I just had to get it out there (even again). Some of your comments about saying something, just walking way, and leaving them to their reaction piqued my interest. What would they be? Any ideas?
(For the record, I know I'm making a big deal out of nothing--I promise, this usually isn't the case. I'm really not very sensitive about this. But you know what? Sometimes making a big deal about something is exactly what feels good to do)
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Pucker Up
4 days ago
9 comments:
I tried to leave a comment but I don't think it worked. I would love it if you would buy me a thimble from New York City. A pewter one of the Statue of Liberty would be great. I can send you some money if it's not in the budget. MSJ
I love YGM too! The other line I like in that movie is that when you finally find the perfect thing to say, it never feels as good as you think it will to say it. Case in point, me at Wegmans a few weeks ago. I was so tiered of people giving nasty looks for blocking the isle with my boat-of-shopping cart with the kiddie car attached(which is the only way I can do my shopping with my two kids because my husband had worked every Saturday for the last two months)and so I finally broke when some lady rolled her eyes at me and I just said "look it is not easy shopping by yourself with two kids and you can just be a little more patient". Felt good at that moment, but then I felt bad. Not because she did not deserve it, but because it did me no good.
I do not blame you for being frusterated that people are commenting on something that is none of their business. I think you are handling it beautifully and very maturly.
By the way, I was actually surprised to find out you were 22. I guess I always thought you were older because you really seem very wise about things and so grounded and solid. Age really is relative. You are more mature and prepared for the responsibility of parenthood than many people that are "older" than you.
Keep being yourself, because it is perfect!
Elise, I would cross my fingers behind my back so that the lie I was about to tell didn't count and I would quietly say that I was 16. And then I would be truthful about the age of my children and the fact that they are my childern and just go on my merry way.
Are you really 22 already?
Love, Dad.
come back to mormon counrty where they're shocked you're that old and you only have a 2 year-old.
really...you do have a lot of wisdom and maturity and do a fantastic job with your kids. i was a couple years older than you with my first and discovered quickly it is never easy, no matter your age. we are all just doing our best....and east coasters do like to comment and get up into your business...try not to let it get you down too much! i could write a book with all of the unnecessary comments I got hauling around babies in NYC.
Elise,
Joel will tell you that I am more sarcasm than sensitive, so he knows I'm more inclined to suggest that you say something like "I know, I wish I'd thought about it more before jumping in the sack!" or "Yeah, well my other 2 kids are at home with dad."
Honestly though, the best is something as simple as "I wouldn't trade it for anything." OR you could use it as an opportunity to introduce the gospel, families forever, etc." Good luck! Most women hate you for having to worry about looking so young... :)
Jason
Next time someone mentions the responsibility part ask if they are offering to take over the responsibility and then see what they say.
I am sort of a smart aleck and would respond accordingly:
Yes, and it will age me quickly much like it aged you.
But then again the better thing to do is smile and nod and say mean things only in your head. :)
I probably would have done the same thing you did and wished I would have also had a great one liner...but I'd probably feel bad after saying it if I did have one. I don't understand why some strangers always feel like they need to share something that's better kept to themselves. Sure you can think something, but really, you don't need to share it!
You are a wonderful mom, a mother the rest of us can look up to...and this is coming from a mom who's several years older!
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