In Case Anyone Has Any False Assumptions

This is how we are the majority of the time at our house:

Crawling around on poorly-swept floors.
(And don't worry; we put all items we find on the floor directly in our mouths.
Lisa, I know you're shuddering right now.)





Very dirty shirts (spit-up on me, food on Everett).

Marker covering any and all exposed appendages.
Don't miss the dot on the cheek or the marks on the pants.

There is a reason I have only washable markers in my house, and this is he.

Sneaking contraband candy which is too big to fit comfortably in the mouth all in one piece, all while too engrossed in a movie to notice the waves of chocolate slime coming out of the mouth.

And, the entire time pretending to be unaware of any voice resembling his mother's.

Santa Claus potato faces. . .

And the eating without bibs because we need to wash the shirt anyway
and I have more shirts than bibs approach.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So don't worry! My kids are still alive, I am still alive, and Joel is still alive. And we're building very healthy immune systems while we're at it. My kids rarely get sick, and this is all for their overall good. Right? Right?